e-eating

emotional eating.

it sucks.

i do it.

i feel like crap, then i eat to feel better. then i feel more like crap because i ate and then i wait a little while and still feel bad so i eat again to see if that makes me feel better, then i feel bad again about eating and then...

well, you're smart people, you can figure it out.

as you are such smart and educated people i'm sure you all can use your deductive reasoning skills to figure out i'm not at my most best point right now. prayers and good thoughts? please and thanks.

WOAHprah.....

See, I am still alive.

Still in this experiment, but still alive!!

At 10:00 pm, Channel 7 re-airs The Oprah Winfrey Show (now I'm guessing that it's not channel 7 at your house; whatever that Chicago station is that must pay LOTS of money because I've gotten it EVERY place that I have EVER lived in). Some may find it surprising (most will not) but, I'm really not a fan of Oprah. My reasoning is a whole other kind of blog, so I wont get in to that, but I will say that she's pretty tricky, that O. She knows how to pull a little southern God-fearing conservative like me in - with Fat People.

Last night Oprah grabbed my attention by showing home videos of women who are in throes of a battle with food addiction. These women shared their thoughts and feelings before, during, and after they eat... they talk about the shame, the feeling of failure, the uncontrollable urge to eat - and eat a lot of things. They were all different in age, shape, and color. But they were all the same in their feelings and thoughts. "I feel so ashamed"; "I don't know why I ate it"; "When I'm eating - I feel good"; "I forget about all the bad things when I'm eating"......

Oprah was open and honest about her own struggles with weight and food addictions. She told the story of having to tell someone "no" and then sitting down and eating a pound of lettuce, because she was so afraid that she had made someone "mad" or "put out" by her decision. She said then she had her epiphany that eating a pound of lettuce is no worse than eating a pound of potato chips - it's still an obsession and obsessions are what we create in order rid ourselves from that yucky feeling that overtakes us when we are sad or hurt or overwhelmed.

Deep? yeah.

True? You bet. At least for me.

I don't have a lot of obsessions (ha!) But, I sure do know about the food obsession and the comforting numbing feeling that takes over when I taste that delciousness that is ice cream or that yummy bread and olive oil, or pasta.... (I think you get the point). For the small amount of time that it takes me to eat, I'm completely oblivious to my worries. To the stressess of life that I feel sometimes will over-take me. During that time.... all is well. And utterly delicious.

Oprah had a guest on her show, the author of the book Women Food God. She had some interesting points - I mean at some points all of the analogies and lovey-happy-feely stuff got a bit overwhelming and a little "deep"- but, I'm definitely interested in checking it out and seeing if it can work for me. I mean if Oprah loves it, then.....................

....hello? *peering from behind the wall*

Hi guys. I'm still here. The experiment continues on. Ugh.

Obviously, you guys probably know where I've been and what I've been up to. And if you're not sure, let me go ahead and help you out by telling it's not the gym.

Seems I'm worse off than when I got started with this. How did that happen?!

However, I'm ready to give this one more big shot. One more great go.

Muy Caliente!

I'm so excited! Today, I made a Mexican Chicken casserole for new friends who just had a baby and guess what?...... I didn't eat ANY Doritos!

Woo to the Hoo!!

For those of you who don't know, my Mexican Chicken casserole is chickeny and cheesy and crunchy. And, it's so simple! Here's the recipe:
........................ oh, wait. As this is a weigh loss blog, I'm pretty sure the recipe is not allowed here.

Well, let's just say I am very thankful that the casserole (and the bag of Doritos) are leaving this house in less than an hour. *huge sigh of relief*

The experiment is still on...

Which is not entirely a good thing. So far in my fat-suit experiment I have learned that being fat makes you tired. It's a lot to do carrying all of this extra weight around! And the mental exhaustion?! My goodness it is so tiring doing all of this worrying and fretting over being fat. Whew. You'd think I had just worked out.... but we all know that's not the truth.

Also, in this experiment I have found that being fat makes you lose a bit of your personality. I have always had a little tendency for initial shyness....but not wanting to go out in public? I mean really.

This experiment has also revealed that being fat can make you depressed. (big news there, huh?) And with depression, oddly comes the need to eat some more and do less.

In conclusion, being fat sucks. And it's very hard to overcome. (Especially over the holidays when the food fairy comes and magically deposits sprinkles of extra yumminess into EVERYTHING)

So, with my final conclusions reached ( this was an experiment, after all) it is now time to shed the fat-suit and all of the evils that come with it. Let the battle begin!

A chipmunk on steroids

That's what I looked like today when I was sitting in front of the mirror in my drape getting my hair cut.

Can I get a Woop Woop?

Gym day number 2 complete! Yay!

As I said yesterday I'm starting to view the gym as more than a source of torture fitness. I've come to see it for the vast source of entertainment that it is….and it makes great blogging material!

One of the things that I like about my gym here is that it has a "women only" room in the back. I'm not really embarrassed by working out, but I don't like having to maneuver through all the people and machines and such in order to get my workout done. So ANYWAY…. I was working out yesterday and this older lady was getting her fitness on and attached to her (unbuttoned) pants was this fine little number:

Who knew they still existed?

What made me giggle even more was that between the fact that her pants were unbuttoned and the weight of the walkman… well, we nearly saw her GP's!! (granny panties!)

I wonder who's blogging about seeing me at the gym?